I've been set FREE...: My name is written on His hands...

Two things came up recently that made me want to share my story: 1--the sermon on Sunday & 2--the song "everybody dies famous in a smalltown". This song, well pretty much the title, reminds me of my life growing up. First of all, for those of you who don't know me I grew up in a teeny little town called Patrick, SC--population 300, one caution light, and technically I live on the outskirts of all that. I grew up surrounded by a wonderful family--a sweet MaMa (my grandma) who kept me all the time and let me make biscuits with her, parents, my sister, aunts, and uncles who let me tag along with them in just about everything, and spending sweet summers with my cousins.
Even at a young age, I liked to do things perfectly. At the age of 5, I got an award for having better handwriting than my teacher (I don't know what happened!) and my papers would always have big smudges from where I would erase over and over again until it was perfect. Growing up, I kept this same mentality...I was always at the top of my class, never got in any major trouble, and loved the fact that I didn't have to deal with any crazy rumors in high school because I was "Miss Goody Goody". Back up a little, in 6th grade I decided to make the walk up the aisle at my church and was baptized. I would most definitely say I always believed in Jesus, was very active in my church, read my bible, and prayed when I needed something (big decisions or things like that).
That was my life until August 2005. I was the big fish in a small pond. Everyone knew my name and what I had accomplished. I found myself at the College of Charleston...a school more than 10 times the size of my town and in the middle of downtown...no more fields and starry skies. As time went on, I felt like something was missing. I no longer got the same satisfaction from making good grades--no one there really cared or knew that that was where I found my identity. I didn't have the same expectations set before me that I did my whole life previous to college. Thank goodness, my best friend (Chafin) was my roommate--she was my sanity. We got to walk through this huge transition together. It was hard to be at a 'party school' and well not really be into the partying scene. Also, during this time my Aunt Mary Etta was very sick (she had ovarian cancer) and I was sad that I couldn't be home with her and I was dealing with questioning if I had chosen the right school. A lot of my friends and my high school boyfriend was at Clemson, so why had I felt like I should come to CofC?
That first semester was hard and that Christmas was even harder. My Aunt Mary Etta (Uh), after having surgery and being at Duke for several weeks, passed away on January 2nd. This is still the hardest time I've ever had to face. My family is very close and so this was hard on all of us to watch someone so dear to us suffer and know that there was nothing we could do in the midst of it. God was good to me through all this. He gave me peace by being able to see her open her eyes and getting to tell her goodbye. We even got to all go in Uh's room and watch the new year come in together--that's what she would have wanted, for us to all be together.
I went back to Charleston for my second semester of my freshman year feeling like a part of me was forever gone. I didn't want to go back. Life went on...that emptiness continued.  Thank goodness for Chafin and her unconditional love...that's the only way she loved my 'hard-to-deal-with self' during that time. When I got back from Christmas break, a girl from my hometown (Amy), who is now a sweet, sweet friend to me, had moved to Charleston and I met her for dinner at Moe's.  From the moment she prayed over our dinner, I knew there was something different about her. After this she began introducing me to people at CofC that were apart of Campus Outreach and invited me on a winter retreat. The people I was being introduced to were my age and loved my sweet savior in a way that I didn't know was possible. They didn't just go to church; they lived their lives to glorify God. They prayed about their next step in life and followed the Lord's way and not their own. After all this I began to question, did I really KNOW this man named Jesus? Yes, I believed in him, but "even the demons believe" (James 2:19).
Five years ago, sitting in my dorm room, it finally all made sense. I thought I could get myself into heaven through all of my good works. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9) These verses became very sweet to me. This is what I was doing. I thought my good works were good enough, but in reality my best deed is nothing but a filthy rag to Jesus...HE made a way so that I could live with Him eternally. The Lord took a huge load off my shoulders. He reminded me that I didn't have to walk through this life on my own and more importantly, my salvation was not dependent on my own works...thank goodness!
Loving Jesus and believing in Him is not just about attending church. When I was in 6th grade, I thought I became a believer, but I didn't understand what it meant to die to myself or what it meant to put my trust in Jesus. It's about having a relationship with Him, talking to Him--not just when we need Him. It's about taking our self out of the center of our lives and placing Jesus there. Letting everything else revolve around Him, instead of letting Him revolve around me.  You see, when you become a believer, you're identity becomes Christ. When our Father looks down on us, He sees Jesus and the blood that cleansed us. I'm so thankful that I no longer have to find fulfillment in things other than Christ....that I now can say my identity is Jesus.
The Lord has taken me places and given me faith to do things I never thought I would.  He pushed me to spend two months of the summer after my freshman year of college in Orlando, FL working at Disney World, He spoke clearly to me and sent me across the world to Thailand for a summer, through the summer in Thailand He gave me a heart for the world and gave me an opportunity to go to India, He gave me patience and strength to wait three years for my Prince Charming (thank you God for writing the perfect love story for me), He has me living in Charleston, and most recently He gave me the assurance to tell my principal that I'm not teaching next year, so that I can do ministry with Bradley. Thank you Jesus for breaking down my pride, opening my eyes, and letting me come to know You.

some of my wonderful family

After a summer in Orlando--wearing ridulous costumes to work, getting spoiled by going to Disney anytime we wanted, learning how to walk with God, and gaining awesome friendships.