My name is written on His hands...

Two things came up recently that made me want to share my story: 1--the sermon on Sunday & 2--the song "everybody dies famous in a smalltown".  This song, well pretty much the title,  reminds me of my life growing up.  First of all, for those of you who don't know me I grew up in a teeny little town called Patrick, SC--population 300, one caution light, and technically I live on the outskirts of all that.  I grew up surrounded by a wonderful family--a sweet MaMa (my grandma) who kept me all the time and let me make biscuits with her, parents, my sister, aunts, and uncles who let me tag along with them in just about everything, and spending sweet summers with my cousins.
Even at a young age, I liked to do things perfectly.  At the age of 5, I got an award for having better handwriting than my teacher (I don't know what happened!) and my papers would always have big smudges from where I would erase over and over again until it was perfect.  Growing up, I kept this same mentality...I was always at the top of my class, never got in any major trouble, and loved the fact that I didn't have to deal with any crazy rumors in high school because I was "Miss Goody Goody".  Back up a little, in 6th grade I decided to make the walk up the aisle at my church and was baptized.  I would most definitely say I always believed in Jesus, was very active in my church, read my bible, and prayed when I needed something (big decisions or things like that).
That was my life until August 2005.  I was the big fish in a small pond.  Everyone knew my name and what I had accomplished.  I found myself at the College of Charleston...a school more than 10 times the size of my town and in the middle of downtown...no more fields and starry skies.  As time went on, I felt like something was missing.  I no longer got the same satisfaction from making good grades--no one there really cared or knew that that was where I found my identity.  I didn't have the same expectations set before me that I did my whole life previous to college.  Thank goodness, my best friend (Chafin) was my roommate--she was my sanity.  We got to walk through this huge transition together.  It was hard to be at a 'party school' and well not really be into the partying scene.  Also, during this time my Aunt Mary Etta was very sick (she had ovarian cancer) and I was sad that I couldn't be home with her and I was dealing with questioning if I had chosen the right school.  A lot of my friends and my high school boyfriend was at Clemson, so why had I felt like I should come to CofC? 
That first semester was hard and that Christmas was even harder.  My Aunt Mary Etta (Uh), after having surgery and being at Duke for several weeks, passed away on January 2nd.  This is still the hardest time I've ever had to face.  My family is very close and so this was hard on all of us to watch someone so dear to us suffer and know that there was nothing we could do in the midst of it.  God was good to me through all this.  He gave me peace by being able to see her open her eyes and getting to tell her goodbye.  We even got to all go in Uh's room and watch the new year come in together--that's what she would have wanted, for us to all be together.
I went back to Charleston for my second semester of my freshman year feeling like a part of me was forever gone.  I didn't want to go back.  Life went on...that emptiness continued.  Thank goodness for Chafin and her unconditional love...that's the only way she loved my 'hard-to-deal-with self' during that time.  When I got back from Christmas break, a girl from my hometown (Amy), who is now a sweet, sweet friend to me, had moved to Charleston and I met her for dinner at Moe's.  From the moment she prayed over our dinner, I knew there was something different about her.  After this she began introducing me to people at CofC that were apart of Campus Outreach and invited me on a winter retreat.  The people I was being introduced to were my age and loved my sweet savior in a way that I didn't know was possible.  They didn't just go to church; they lived their lives to glorify God.  They prayed about their next step in life and followed the Lord's way and not their own.  After all this I began to question, did I really KNOW this man named Jesus?  Yes, I believed in him, but "even the demons believe" (James 2:19).
Five years ago, sitting in my dorm room, it finally all made sense.  I thought I could get myself into heaven through all of my good works.  "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)  These verses became very sweet to me.  This is what I was doing.  I thought my good works were good enough, but in reality my best deed is nothing but a filthy rag to Jesus...HE made a way so that I could live with Him eternally.  The Lord took a huge load off my shoulders.  He reminded me that I didn't have to walk through this life on my own and more importantly, my salvation was not dependent on my own works...thank goodness! 
Loving Jesus and believing in Him is not just about attending church.  When I was in 6th grade, I thought I became a believer, but I didn't understand what it meant to die to myself or what it meant to put my trust in Jesus.  It's about having a relationship with Him, talking to Him--not just when we need Him.  It's about taking our self out of the center of our lives and placing Jesus there.  Letting everything else revolve around Him, instead of letting Him revolve around me.  You see, when you become a believer, you're identity becomes Christ.  When our Father looks down on us, He sees Jesus and the blood that cleansed us.  I'm so thankful that I no longer have to find fulfillment in things other than Christ....that I now can say my identity is Jesus.
The Lord has taken me places and given me faith to do things I never thought I would.  He pushed me to spend two months of the summer after my freshman year of college in Orlando, FL working at Disney World, He spoke clearly to me and sent me across the world to Thailand for a summer, through the summer in Thailand He gave me a heart for the world and gave me an opportunity to go to India, He gave me patience and strength to wait three years for my Prince Charming (thank you God for writing the perfect love story for me), He has me living in Charleston, and most recently He gave me the assurance to tell my principal that I'm not teaching next year, so that I can do ministry with Bradley.  Thank you Jesus for breaking down my pride, opening my eyes, and letting me come to know You. 



some of my wonderful family





After a summer in Orlando--wearing ridulous costumes to work, getting spoiled by going to Disney anytime we wanted, learning how to walk with God, and gaining awesome friendships.





my favorite place in Thailand:)




Oh how I miss them...part of my heart is on the other side of the world.




The first date!  The night he started pursuing me.





An adventure in India with my best friend...what a crazy and life changing summer!



Grace Face

Happy birthday Gracie!  Gracie's turning seven today...she thinks she's turning 17:)  She's a mess!  I honestly can't remember a time when she didn't talk.  Most children mix up their sounds or speak in choppy sentences...no, I think Gracie came out of the womb talking! She's a very smart little girl, knows way too much for her own good.  She's beautiful...has the most beautiful curly brown hair and I just can't figure out why she wants me to straighten it everytime I see her.  She has "Beiber fever"...we even recently planned out her whole wedding...20 bridesmaids and she's wearing my wedding dress:)  There were lots of other crazy purple polka dot and green schemed things...oh, her imagination! 

Grace Face, thanks for making me think I can dance, for making me smile, for being honest, and for making life interesting.  Love you!

Working my way towards the edge of my chair...

This past Saturday Bradley was in Asheville, skiing, on the winter retreat with Campus Outreach, the ministry that he works with at the Citadel.  While he was skiing, he did a jump, fell, and was then taken to the ER and told that he had a minor concussion.  I tell you this because this situation reminded me of how much I like being in control (by the way he's fine now, just out of his mind for a few hours).  I didn't like that I wasn't in Asheville with Bradley...I kept thinking this wouldn't have happened if I had been there.  Poor Jordan (one of my dearest friends), I texted her WAY too much, but she dealt with me and was a comfort by being near Bradley when I needed her to be.

I feel like lately the Lord is continuously showing me how my desire to be in control is not putting my trust completely in Him.  I worry and think over how I'm going to get somewhere or how a certain situation is going to turn out, instead of putting my focus on Jesus and trusting that the best place to be is in His arms.

I pulled one of my favorite books off my bookshelf the other day, Strong Women Soft Hearts by Paula Rinehart.  I skimmed through the chapter on trust and found this description for reaching the place of trust, "You will only know you are there when you feel a little on the edge of your chair--and yet strangely at peace...It (trust in the Lord) waits in the cool shade of surrender".  When  I think about how much I worry about issues or think I can change them somehow, it makes me laugh that I think my control is better than the sovereignty of God.  Jesus leads us and guides us, even when we want to lean back in our chair because we feel like we are toppling over the edge, He holds us steady and feels us with "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding".  

Random thoughts from today...

1.  I've been married for a little over 8 months now and I still catch myself staring at my rings...especially on Sundays.  The lights at ECBC are amazing...Bradley always catches me looking down at my ring and moving my hand around to catch the light...he of course loves that I love my rings.  Let me tell you a little story about my engagement ring.  Bradley & I started dating in August 2009 and in October he started talking to my best friend about what I'd want in a ring.  Chafin and Bradley are similar--both very detailed and great at keeping secrets!  She did great, I had no idea and she didn't have to ask too many questions...naturally girls talk about these things and I had known for quite a while that I wanted to marry Mr. Bradley Mishue...rings were on my mind.  After several months of looking, Bradley found the perfect ring and only wasted a few days before he had it on my hand!  I knew he wouldn't date me long, but gracious was I surprised on December 18th!  After he proposed, Bradley explained that my ring had a center diamond with six prongs to remind us that Christ (6 letters) is the center of our relationship.  He went on to say that it is simple, yet so beautiful--just like the gospel.  The gospel is simple, Christ bore the wrath of all of our sins, so that we may have eternal life--what could be more beautiful than that!  We don't deserve this and yet he FREEly offers the gift of eternal life to all those who believe.  Thank you Jesus for paving the way for me and thank you Bradley for putting a ring on my finger to remind me of my sweet Savior.

2.  After church, we went to lunch with a few couples.  During lunch I felt so blessed--blessed to live near some of my closest friends, to be able to walk through the same stages of life together, and to be a part of a wonderful body of believers.  As life goes on and more changes occur, I'm learning just how important it is to have people in our life to push us to the cross.     

3.  Bradley & I went for a quick run around our neighborhood before the superbowl party.  As we were running, I kept saying Hebrews 12:1-2 over in my head, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us RUN with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  I don't run consistently, but when I do...I love it!  I always feel so FREE.  Today as I was running, I felt as though (just as in the verse above) every sin that I had committed or evil thought I had that day was just falling to the side and disappearing under the blood of Jesus.  My mind was so clear to repent and really think of all the ways I had fallen short.  It was so FREEing to feel like I was literally running the race with endurance, laying aside all the weight and sin I was holding in, and looking to Jesus--the sweet author and perfecter of my faith!  

What's in your hand?

Last weekend I went to a women's conference with my church back home.  One of the speakers broke down Exodus 4 in a way that I'd never thought about.  She focused on Exodus 4:2, "The Lord said to  him, 'What's in your hand?'".  If we back up and look at the first verse of the chapter we see that Moses is basically saying, 'they're not going to believe me, who am I to send your message to these people?'. 
All week long, I've been continuously thinking about this and asking myself what am I going to do with 'what's in my hand'?
The most practical matter that I can think of that's in my hands at this time is one hundred very impressionable minds.  What am I going to do with that?  I find myself, more often than not, having the same response as Moses did in Exodus 4:1.  What can I do?  How can I be a light to all of these children?  It's so easy to be complacent in life and to sit back and take things how they go.  I can recall so many missed opportunities or times when I wished I would have said a little more or would have been more open about my faith.  Jesus calls us to be BOLD, to share Him in everything that we do.  It has been my prayer lately that I make the most of these last four months that I have with my students, but not only my students, my prayer is that I would strive to live uncomfortably...to be unlike the world...to seek to make Christ the center of every interaction and every relationship that I have.  My prayer for you is that you would make the most of where you are right now and what the Lord has placed in your hand.